I want to share a word of encouragement to those of you who read my posts concerning the grace of God to bring you through suffering and brokenness. Because of the nature of my call and the fact that I’m a woman in ministry, I have went through many difficult hardships, false accusations and suffering as a result of the choices i’ve made to obey the Lord and follow the Holy Spirits leading. I’ve been labeled everything from Jezebel and rebellious, to a man hater by those who claim they know my Savior, but obviously by their own actions and words they have proven to only really know their self interpreted religion and traditions; none of those accusations are true by the way . There are many more observers of religion than there are those who seek after the Kingdom of God. I’ve learned over the years to regularly bless and pray for my enemies because I came to realize that I do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against spiritual hosts of darkness that will use anyone and anything to remove obedience to Jesus from our hearts. This, along with many other trials and tribulations that can accompany the Christian life to refine, purify and equip us for ministry, have at times been more than what I could handle naturally. Being a woman serving the Lord is not my shame, but my honor, although for many years I thought otherwise. I know now that my dependence upon the Lord as a child to its Father and a wife to her Husband is my greatest God-given gift,
There’ve been many times when I felt like I couldn’t go on another day. Although I love Jesus with all of my heart, my spirit was failing within me because the pressure and responsibility I carry seemed overwhelming for someone so weak of heart. My Father created me to be a tender, deep feeling woman, whose heart is to see everyone come into an intimate knowledge and relationship with Jesus Christ, so to undergo some of the suffering, ridicule, and false accusations that I have, has been more than my heart could bear or so I thought. Being a lover of Jesus I could not understand how other’s who claim to love Him could speak and believe such evil about me. During these times of suffering and hardship I would lay on my bedroom floor weeping and praying in the Spirit, unable to comprehend my pain. As I sought His Mercy and Grace for deliverance and healing for my brokenness, as always, there was an unfailing river of love poured into my heart by the Holy Spirit; you never spend time at the throne of Grace and come away empty-handed, His Grace is amazingly sufficient.
God is good and loves us, and although we will suffer persecution even as Jesus suffered, as we seek to obey His will, we will always have an advocate and helper that will abide with us forever. He’s never left or forsaken me in any trial or left me so broken I couldn’t continue on, but what He has required of me is to come and present myself, broken and honest before Him, and in that place of broken honesty, I received power that many times, rose me from the dead. Never has my God allowed my enemy to triumph over me during an attack, He has always used what the enemy has tried to destroy me with to make me stronger in the Lord and in the power of His might. Jesus is a faithful High Priest who became like us in form and in weakness as a human, so that He could be a faithful High Priest and offer the help and encouragement we need when we are weak. Surely out of weakness, we will be made strong, not in ourselves but in Him our strength will be made perfect. His fragrant, sweet, anointing oil will ooze the life and love of Jesus from your wounds into the hearts of others who’ve endured heartache and need to have hope that they will not only survive, but thrive in His Grace.
In these times of brokenness, the first thing I would ever do was to check with the Lord to see if there was something in me, or in anything I was doing that was out of line with His purposes for my life and adjust myself accordingly. I’ve never let the burden of a trial or my own feelings keep me from seeking His perfect will. To this very day, I have never known a time when the Holy Spirit didn’t comfort, reassure and strengthen my heart; at times, completely taking all grief and sadness away from me as if it had never been. I’ve lost great love in my life as a result of choosing to obey the voice of the Lord over my own desires, but gaining Christ is a much more valuable love to pursue and obtain.These sacrifices of obedience can only be accomplished by the Spirit of God who dwells within those who are born by the breath of His mouth. Supernatural strength and grace can only come from Jesus Himself as we seek to yield our lives, hearts and will to His will. Repentance has and will always continue to be, the first and foremost prayer upon my lips, as my hope and desire is to remain within the grace of God and the covering of His light (Jesus). To judge ourselves is to not be judged by God and to humble ourselves under His hand, is the pathway to being lifted up. It’s not that the Lord had anything to do with the persecution against my life, but in all things He works for the good of those who are called by Him. He deepens our love, strengthens our roots and raises a standard against Satan through it all. Glory to God!
It’s almost impossible to convey the depth of intercession and grief that I have experienced on a very personal level, not only as I’ve sought the Lord for my own life and hardships and the lives of my family and friends, but also because of my burden for His people who are swallowed up in the clutched of traditions of men; being robbed from the life in the Spirit that we are called to live in Christ. But know this, that nothing that we can possibly go through in this life, whether it be persecutions, loss, heartbreak, betrayal or any other form of trial that would break your heart, can, nor does compare, to the life that He gives to us when we yield ourselves to Him fully.. Not only do we have life after physical death for all eternity, but we have fellowship with a life quickening Spirit that gives life to our mortal bodies as well; In Him we LIVE and move and HAVE OUR BEING.
One of the things I will encourage anyone who is deeply seeking the Kingdom of God, is that in that seeking, there will be tribulation and sometimes, much of it, but the reward of pressing toward Jesus and attaining the rich knowledge of God is worth far more than trivial persecution or hardships we may need to endure. Stay focused, be encouraged and NEVER back up from pursuing HIM in obedience because of your pain, regardless of how the enemy chooses to send it against you. There is no weapon that’s fashioned against you, that our Father who loves you with an everlasting love will allow to prosper. Stay at His feet, stay dependent upon His grace and let His love lift you above your heartache..
Love in Christ,